He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
