you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
