At least make sure they are 18
Why
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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