As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
