Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
