Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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