Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
