I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
