I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
