I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
