Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
