forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
