Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
