What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize