ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Welp...herpes.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
