Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
