Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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