Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
