it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
