i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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