I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
he puts the penis in happiness.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
