I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
