Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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