Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just cut my nipple shaving
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
