life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
