I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
