I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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