Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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