i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
