I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
