I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
