Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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