just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
