capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
