Porn is love you can see.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
