And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize