You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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