I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
