Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
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