I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
