Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
