I'd wear matching sweaters with you
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
