life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
