I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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