I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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