Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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