are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
