dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize