when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
