you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We were destined to go to rehab together
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
