I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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