I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
