I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
