Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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