Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
