Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
