my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
