just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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