so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
