the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
