How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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