Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm like, not good at living.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
