i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
