You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
